Hunter couldn't believe that all of this had happened. He had lived so long, assuming that he would never live to fall in love or to get married or to start a family. And now for so long, he lived thinking that was a real possibility for him. Then, all in a matter of moments, it was stripped away from him. He wanted it so badly and now, he couldn't have it and it was all his fault. Before he was married to Arabella, his number one desire was to marry Arabella and now that was done and he wanted a family. He wanted to have kids and grow old and live happily ever after like he had thought possible
Hunter just couldn't anymore. He wanted to be strong through this. He wanted to hold Arabella and tell her that everything is going to be fine. That they can get through this. No matter what they had each other, right? He wanted to believe that, but he couldn't. It was all his fault that they wouldn't have kids. It was his fault that this dream, long in the making, wasn't going to happen.
The look on Arabella's face when they found out. Hunter couldn't stand it. He saw it and he just didn't want to see it anymore. He couldn't stand it, knowing that it was his fault. That he hurt her. That the pain and anguish that she was feeling was his fault. When they got home, he just shut off. Raising kids with Arabella was what he wanted more than almost anything. They had names and he had a job and they were going to clear out a room to make a nursery and now they were going to have this big house with all these extra rooms and nothing to do with them.
He could hear Arabella moving upstairs. She was probably cleaning. He hated when she cleaned, because that meant she was upset. He hated seeing her upset, but he had no idea what to do to fix it. The only thing he could think of would be to find someone else for her to marry. Someone who could give her what she wanted and make her happy. Someone who wouldn't break her heart like he did. It seemed like a long time when Arabella was coming back down the stairs, the faint smell of cleaning products hanging around her. He heard her order a pizza and Hunter sighed, knowing that on a regular day he would be making dinner and then they would curl up on the couch and just enjoy the feeling of holding each other. He felt a cold nose and fur against his hand and he looked down to see Ajax who had nudged his head under Hunter's hand.
I'm sorry, buddy. Not today. Hunter thought pulling hand away. Ajax whimpered a little and put his head back down on Hunter's leg. He heard the doorbell ring and Arabella paid for the pizza. She seemed so together and Hunter hated how much of a mess that he had become. He wanted to go back to before when it didn't matter, but now it was too late and Hunter didn't know what to do.
"Hey, Hunter? I ordered some pizza." Arabella said, offering a plate out to him. She looked so uncomfortable, but she seemed better off than he did. She held the pizza out to him and he didn't know what to do. What could he possibly say to make any of this better? Hunter just didn't look at her. He couldn't. He could feel her inhale sharply and Hunter was trying to stop himself. He didn't want to see her hurting, but he didn't know what to do. He watched her set the plate down on the table and she looked down at him. He knew how much she was hurting him, but he couldn't do anything. He was helpless. She ran her fingers across his jaw and it surprised him more than anything. He flinched a little and he knew that she was hurt. "Hunter, if you need anything, I'll be in our bedroom." She left him there on the couch and he could hear the sound of Jolie wobbling up the stairs after her.
I'm so sorry, Ellie. I love you so much, but I just don't know what to do, right now and I'm just so broken and I feel helpless and useless and I wish that I knew what to do and I wish that I weren't this broken husk that tricked you into marrying me and I don't deserve you at all and I wish that we could go back to how things were and I'm so so so sorry. Hunter put his head back and could feel tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. She said 'our' bedroom, but nothing felt like his. He didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve food. He didn't deserve sleep. He didn't deserve Arabella at all.
The next morning came too early and he didn't even realize he had fallen asleep. He didn't sleep for real long, but it was long enough for Hunter to feel bad. He didn't deserve it. When he woke up, Arabella was scrubbing down the kitchen. It was hauntingly quiet and Hunter hated every minute of it. The day seemed to coast by and next thing he knew she was setting a plate of food down on the table again. He glanced down at it then up at her and he took a small breath, trying to not just breakdown. There was nothing keeping her from moving on to someone else. She wouldn't have much trouble finding another guy. She could divorce him and with the state he was in at the moment, he couldn't really object. He wasn't acting like much of a husband. She could find someone who could give her what she wanted and could pamper her and take care of her. She wouldn't have to worry about money or stability or anything like that. She could be a housewife and raise a family. The family that she wanted. Little blonde haired kids running around her feet, a smile on her face that he hadn't seen in too long. She could be happy and Hunter would go back to living by himself, a life that he had expected to have. The life that he was going to live anyway.
He missed her presence near him the rest of the day. Even though he was ignoring her, he still liked to feel her close. He missed her and he knew that he would always miss her. Even after she moves on and even after she finds real happiness, he would miss her. Hunter let his head fall back and before he could stop himself he fell asleep again. He felt like Arabella was slipping through his fingers and he was helpless to do anything. His worries weren't helped when she was heading out for the day.
"Hunter, I'm going out for the day. I'll be back before supper." She paused a moment and he could feel her eyes on him. "I love you, Hunter. I hope you remember that." Hunter took a deep breath and waited for her to walk out the door before letting it out.
"I love you, too, Arabella. More than anything." He whispered as the sound of the door closing rang throughout the house.